Sometimes "Not This" Is Enough.

Change is hard. Hard on us and hard on the people around us. One of the things that makes change so hard is that it is often unexpected.

Unexpected Change

In 2020, it seems we are faced with something new or unfamiliar every day. We’re in uncharted territory that no one warned us about or prepared us for.

It reminds me a bit of 2015. One day I went into surgery to have an ovary removed, and the next day I woke up in sudden surgical menopause. I was 43 years old, and my world shattered. Every aspect of my life was in turmoil. 

But as someone who always looks for the positive and the lessons to be learned, menopause was indeed a “pause.” It was a wake-up call. It was a time to re-examine the spokes on my wellness wheel. It was time to take a closer look at my passions and purpose.

At the time, I had no idea what I was passionate about or what my purpose was. It had been so long since I had given myself permission to dream. I learned to live in my curiosity and turn inward. I started listening to my heart and tuning out my overactive thoughts. Instead of looking externally for answers, I began to ask myself, “What is it that I want? Am I happy? Where are areas in my life where I’m discontent? What’s not working? What is.”

I didn’t know exactly what I was looking for. But there were plenty of areas where I said “not this.”

During that difficult season, I turned my pain into purpose. It launched my career as an author. I wrote about all the tools I discovered that helped me find my balance. Out of that journey came my first book, Come Back Strong, which was about overcoming a setback - whatever that may be - and turning it into a comeback. The experience made me stronger emotionally and mentally while I recovered physically.

Change you Initiate

Aside from unexpected change is a change that you initiate. You begin to exercise. You quit a job, or you start writing a book. You find a hobby like gardening, photography, or a ceramics class. Change could come from the commitment to remove toxic foods or people from your life. 

When you initiate change, you may not have a clear vision of your future. You just know you can’t stay where you are. 

Lori King with Glennon Doyle & Abby Wambach at Omega Institute, NY

Glennon - I call her Glennon because I feel like we are friends - that’s what her writing feels like me to be -  talks about this very subject in her latest memoir Untamed. 

Discontent is evidence that your imagination has not given up on you. It is still pressing, swelling, trying to get your attention by whispering: 'Not this.'

When “not this” shows up in your life… listen in to that deep place inside you. You may not know what you want, but you know what it is not. 

Do not “...dismiss it, bury it, deflect it, deny it, blame it on someone else, or tell to shut up and be grateful.”

Honor the discontent. Acknowledge it. Embrace it. 

Move from your mind - our excuse maker where you only see what’s in front of you - to your heart and your imagination - the storyteller in you that tells you what’s possible.

When “not this” shows up, it reminds us that we don’t want to just survive - we want to thrive. 

Which leads me back to 2020.

It’s a stressful time. It’s a challenging time. 

Some of you are tired. You’re not sleeping. Some of you are exhausted from overwork and others have more time than ever, but no money.

If you are uncomfortable, in pain, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed…

If you are longing, wishing, hoping, dreaming of a better way and a life with more ease. 

You are not alone. You are not messed up. 

You are simply human. 

The best part of being human is that at any moment we have the ability to change. 

Now, change can be scary. We don’t always know what we want.

But knowing what we want sometimes starts with the discontent that screams from the inside “not this.”