The Five Languages of Love and Appreciation: At Work and Beyond

There are weeks at work when the deadlines pile up, the meetings feel endless, and I start wondering if I’m in the right place. 

(Or even on the right planet.)

But then something small shifts: a teammate says, “This was a fun week!” Another reminds me to tuck a kind comment into my kudos file before it gets lost in the swirl of to-dos. Someone else shares a silly GIF, and just like that, the light comes back in.

These are the moments I’m learning to collect. Not just in memory, but intentionally so they don’t evaporate in the chaos.

A “kudos file” can take many forms: a shoebox, a Google Doc, an email folder titled Read Me When You Want to Quit. Whatever shape it takes, it serves the same purpose: to document

• The good more than the frustration. 
• Compliments more than complaints. 
• Evidence of what you’re building, not just what you’re fixing.

Because when the hard days come (and they will), it helps to have something solid to come back to.

One of those touchstone moments for me came from a leadership retreat I helped facilitate earlier this year, where we explored The Five Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, adapted from Dr. Gary Chapman’s classic Five Love Languages. More recently, I brought the same framework to our entire Global staff at a virtual event I called Coffee, Culture, and Connection.

Here’s what I love about this model: it applies everywhere: work, home, friendships, family. Because appreciation isn’t one-size-fits-all. We don’t all feel valued in the same way.

Here’s how the five languages show up in my own life:

Words of Affirmation
My parents are wonderful about sending snail mail filled with words of encouragement. At work, it can be as simple as a kind message or a public “thank you.” Words have power, and the right ones can carry us for days.

Tangible Gifts
It’s not about the item or the cost, it’s about the thought. A colleague once sent me a Starbucks gift card tucked inside a handwritten note. A small but intentional gift can leave a big imprint.

Acts of Service
This one speaks directly to my heart. When someone steps in to lighten my load, whether Jim quietly takes on chores at home or a teammate covers a project, it feels like the heavens open and the angels start singing.

Quality Time
Presence matters. Deep conversation over a meal, undivided attention with Jim, or simply sitting with a friend. These moments fill me with connection and belonging.

(Especially when phones are tucked away.)

Physical Touch
This is the most tender and often the most misunderstood. For me, it’s Jim’s snuggles, a hug from a friend, or a reassuring hand on my shoulder. A reminder that I’m not alone, and that love can be felt as much as it can be heard or seen. Some days, we don’t need advice or someone to step in and fix things; we just need a hug.

What’s interesting is that the way we most feel appreciated isn’t always the way we naturally express it to others. That’s part of the magic. It invites curiosity about both giving and receiving.

So here’s your reminder: don’t let the good slip away unnoticed. Start your own kudos file. Tuck away the kind emails, the thoughtful comments, the high-fives, the handwritten notes, the Slack messages that made you laugh or cry (in the best way). Learn your language, and learn your team’s.

Because someday, when the spark fades or the load feels too heavy, that one small message or that one thoughtful act might be the very thing that helps you keep going.

✨ Curious about your own language? Take the free quiz here: 5lovelanguages.com
🎥 And if you’d like to see more, here’s my short video: Kudos File To Remind You That You are a Badass

©2025 Lori Ann King