Friendship Takes Intention: Who Belongs in Your Inner Circle?

A few weeks ago, I wrote about boundaries and the inner hub and outer rim: how our energy, time, and emotional bandwidth shift depending on what life demands of us. 

In a recent presentation, I revisited this concept: the inner hub as our sacred core, and the outer rim as the wider circle of people we love, support, or interact with. The conversation took a beautiful turn when a colleague raised her hand and said:

“It made me think about a friend I’ve lost touch with; someone I would love to bring back into my inner circle.”

That stopped me.
Because she wasn’t thinking about who needed to move out of her hub.
She was thinking about who she wanted to bring back in.

Then, completely unrelated, another colleague told me how thankful he is for the long winter break. Not for the holiday, but because it gives him time to travel from Memphis to Vermont to see a friend he served in the Peace Corps with decades ago. They had grown apart, taken different paths, lived different lives. One married with children. One not.

But the connection still matters.
The friendship still lives.
And he’s choosing to nurture it again.

These two conversations made something click for me:

Friendship doesn’t just happen. Relationships don’t sustain themselves. Connection takes intention.

Without tending, nurturing, or reaching out, even the most important relationships — God, our partner, children, parents, friends, ourselves — can slowly drift to the outer rim.
Sometimes so gradually that we don’t even notice until the distance feels too wide to cross.
Sometimes so far that the relationship disappears entirely.

But the good news?
It doesn’t take a grand gesture to bring someone back in.
It takes intention.
It takes one small, brave reach toward connection.

Living With Intention (Not Resolutions)

As we begin to close out 2025 and step toward 2026, I’m not thinking about resolutions.
I’m thinking about intentions.

The gentle kind.
The sustainable kind.
The kind that say:

• “This person matters to me.”
• “I want more presence and less drifting.”
• “I want deeper, not wider.”

What would it look like if we chose to bring people closer on purpose?
To call someone we miss.
To send the text we’ve been thinking about for months.
To schedule the Zoom call.
To show up in person when we can.
To say, “You’ve been on my heart.”

What would it look like to apply the wheel metaphor not as protection from others, but as connection to others?

My Own Reminder This Week

In my own life, I have a small group of local friends who deeply understand my need for space and solitude. They invite me to gatherings regularly, and if I’m honest, more often than not, I’ve been saying no.

Not because I don’t love them, but because lately, one more meeting, one more conversation, one more moment of “peopleing” has felt like too much.

This week, they reached out again, not with an invite but with a question:
“We’re checking on you (and Jim). What do you need?”

My answer surprised even me.

“Hugs! I need hugs.”

That one vulnerable truth cracked something open.

It turned into a tea date with one girlfriend. And a surprise appearance from a second.
And, hopefully, we’ll get together with all four of us soon.

Because even when we need solitude…
We also need connection.
The kind that nourishes.
The kind that doesn’t ask us to perform.
The kind that brings us back when we’ve drifted.

Your Turn: Who Belongs in Your Inner Hub?

This week, as Thanksgiving and Friendsgiving approach, try this gentle reflection:

1. Who have you unintentionally pushed to the outer rim?
   Life gets busy. Burnout happens. Distance grows quietly.
2. Who do you want to bring back into your inner circle?
   Who feels like home? Who brings you joy, steadiness, truth, or laughter?
3. What small act of intention could you take this week?
   Text. Call. Zoom. Tea. A long overdue “I miss you.”
   Small gestures move relationships more than grand plans.
4. And finally…
   What do you need?
   A boundary?
   A hug?
   A moment of solitude?
   An honest conversation?

Living with intention means honoring both:
the people we love
and the parts of ourselves that need tending.

As we move toward a new year, may we carry this truth with us:

Connection doesn’t maintain itself.
We choose it.
We nurture it.
We bring people closer on purpose.

Want more on How to Build Friendships That Last? Check out this A Bit of Optimism Podcast with Fredrik Backman and Simon Sinek.

The inner hub outer rim concept comes from my book, Wheels to Wellbeing.

©2025 Lori Ann King