Don’t Play Small

Your Power Serves the World, So Use It

“Your playing small does not serve the world.” – Marianne Williamson

It took me decades to really understand that line.

In high school, I started running to stay in shape for soccer. My best friend would join me, and without thinking much about it, I’d always run at her pace. Slower than mine. Over time, that became my default. I learned how to hold back.

Later in life, I did the same thing in a relationship. I shrank. I made myself smaller so someone else could feel bigger. As Marianne Williamson reminds us, there’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so other people won’t feel insecure around you. [ Settle For or Settle In? ]

On the BIke

On the bike, I had to relearn that lesson.

When I first started riding with my husband Jim, I followed closely behind him. I watched his line. I learned his rhythm. I trusted his experience. Uphill, downhill, flats, I stayed on his wheel.

One day, we were climbing a steep hill when I noticed something unexpected. He was breathing hard. I wasn’t.

“Go ahead if you’ve got the legs,” he said.

I passed him. Actually, I didn’t just pass. I surged.

That moment changed everything. In that moment, I realized I was strong.

Over time, our differences became clear. I was stronger on long climbs. He had power on short bursts, straightaways, and descents. Then one day, I beat him in a sprint.

I roared. I crossed the line first.

He didn’t sulk. He didn’t punish me. He celebrated. Later, he bragged to our friends. She beat me. Fair and square.

That’s what true partners, true friends do. They cheer when you rise. They don’t need you to play small. [ Check out Get on My Wheel! The Gift of Someone Who Believes in You ]

Not everyone responds that way.

Friendships, Work Relationships, and Athletic Spaces

I’ve been in friendships, work relationships, and athletic spaces where my strength wasn’t welcomed. Where shining came at a cost. Where I was diminished, yelled at, or abandoned for daring to show up fully.

I’ve also stayed back too long for the wrong reasons.

Once, a beginner rider joined a group ride and I stayed with her while the group surged ahead. I thought I was helping. She didn’t want to grow. She didn’t even want company. I was riding small for someone who had no interest in moving forward.

Contrast that with Don.

He showed up as a total beginner. He got dropped often. But he kept coming back. By year two, he was hanging in. By year three, he was dropping us.

The difference was simple. He wanted to get stronger. And we never held him back.

In life, just like on the bike, some people are worth waiting for. Let them draft on your wheel until they can ride beside you.

But others, you have to let go.

You can’t slow yourself indefinitely for someone who isn’t interested in going where you’re headed. Riding below your capacity for too long doesn’t serve you. It doesn’t serve them either.

The right people will catch up. Or meet you at the next climb. Or cheer from behind as you surge ahead.

Whatever you do, don’t dim your light. Don’t shrink. Don’t play small.

©2026 Lori Ann King