When Leaders Leave: Choosing Love Over Fear

The moment I heard my mentor was leaving, fear asked one question: “What about me?”

My promise to myself last year, after a long break from writing, was to be as authentic as possible. To stay aligned with my truth.

That promise comes with vulnerability.
And sometimes, some very real and raw confessions.

I also promised myself I would write from the moment whenever I could.

Last week, I got some news that rattled me.

Over the months and years, I’ve shared plenty of difficult things from my life, and from my life with Jim. We’ve been through some stuff, for sure. Who hasn’t?

But this one hit a bit differently.

My mentor (and new boss) is leaving. She’s been promoted and will be moving to another university.

And truly, that is something worth celebrating. That’s what love does.

I pride myself on believing in a world of abundance, and that when other humans — women especially — rise, it gives the rest of us hope and inspiration that we can rise too.

But before the celebration came a bit of wallowing.

That’s what fear does.

First Reaction

At first, all I could think was: What about me? How will this impact my job?

It was a very self-centered view.

Add to that the fact that I was physically fighting a cold, and my mind did terrible things in those first few hours. I doubted myself. I doubted my future. I wondered if I still had a place here. I wondered if, without her, anyone would believe in me and my work the way she did.

For the past eight months, she has been something of an anchor for me. A trusted place to tag up. A mentor who saw something in me and nurtured it.

When the announcement came that this anchor is leaving, it felt like the ground shifted.

But as dark as that night was, morning always brings a new perspective.

Second Reflection

The next morning brought two emails from other leaders celebrating her opportunity and reminding us that when other institutions want our leaders, it’s a sign that we are doing something right.

I borrowed from their optimism and sent my mentor a text congratulating her.

Her reply?

She reassured me that there is still important work ahead in the coming months to solidify what we’ve started.

That message grounded me.

Which Wolf Wins?

There is an old story often attributed to Cherokee wisdom about two wolves living inside each of us. One wolf represents fear, anger, and scarcity. The other represents love, hope, and possibility.

They are constantly battling.

Which wolf wins?

The one you feed.

That same tension shows up in many parts of life.

When we lose someone we love.
When friends or family move away.
When leaders move on to new chapters.

Fear focuses on what we’re losing.
Love celebrates their rising.

What I learned this week is that it’s okay to feel both.

My heart can hold sadness and joy at the same time.

Yes, I will miss her leadership. Yes, part of me felt afraid in those first moments. But fear only tells part of the story.

The fuller truth is this: I had the privilege of spending eight months learning from someone who believed in me. Often more than I believed in myself.

And that belief doesn’t disappear when she walks out the door.

The work we started doesn’t disappear either.

Now the work is mine.

To believe in myself.
To reach out to the team around me.
To continue building partnerships and collaborations.

Teamwork

Because the truth is, none of us is meant to do this work alone.

Fear made me feel like I was suddenly on an island.

Love reminds me that I’m part of something much bigger.

And maybe that’s the real gift mentors give us. They don’t just guide us while they’re beside us. They help us become the kind of people who can stand steady when they’re not.

After all, the very definition of TEAM says it best:

Together Everyone Achieves More.

The leader may change.
But the mission continues.
The work continues.
And so do we.

So this week, I’m choosing to feed the wolf of love.

©2026 Lori Ann King