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Are you a good tipper? 

I try to be. In fact, I probably tip more than most but less than I’d like. I read a post on social media about a group of bikers who tipped their server close to $1,000. You may think that’s extravagant. You may not even believe in tipping. 

You may believe that employers should pay their employees a fair wage. While I agree, that’s just not the current reality. Minimum wage or anything below is simply not enough any person – let alone one with a family – can survive on. 

But my question goes beyond your belief in tipping. It’s really about how we react, respond, and treat each other as humans.

Yeah. Big topic.

More Kindness

You see, I’m all about kindness. And while I don’t always get it right, I do make an attempt to stay aware of how my words and behaviors affect others.  

My intention during this season of my life is to up my kindness game. To leave more good reviews and better tips. 

If I have a bad experience, I stay open to giving them a second chance. Maybe they’re just having a bad day. (Especially considering everything going on in the world.) 

We all can benefit from more kindness. More gratitude. More love. More grace. More forgiveness and less hate. Less judgment. Less opinions. 

Toward others and especially toward ourselves.

I recently tipped a server 100% of the bill. NOT because she gave us great service. It was a bit of the opposite. She spilled our water and our wine. She got our order wrong. It was clear she was having a bad day. 

And, she probably spent the night thinking that her tips – possibly what would help her pay for her mortgage or child’s sneakers – were going to suck that night. 

So I tried to give her grace and a bit of kindness. I left a note on the receipt saying “It’s ok. You’re ok. Tomorrow’s a new day. Breathe. Relax. Smile.” 

If a server goes out of their way to help me make gluten-free choices, I tell their supervisor. Life is hard. Menus and eating out can be difficult to maneuver for the food-sensitive. I appreciate the assistance that a server can give me.

We all have a choice. 

We can complain to a manager, leave a low or no tip, or even take the extra time to leave a bad review for the server or the establishment or an author. 

Or, we can be quick with a compliment, or to offer grace or kindness. 

I’m not saying be a doormat or accept bad service. Feedback and criticism can be helpful, respectful, and inspire change. It can improve service and even make authors better writers. And, it can be done with kindness and grace.

Thick Skin

People who are on the front lines who interact with people – whether on the phone, over technology, or in person – have to have thick skin. They have to be able to smile and respond rather than react with emotion or unprofessionalism, no matter how unkind, disrespectful, or downright mean their customers are or what may be happening in their personal life. They have to be able to shake things off before they go on to the next customer, to provide the best service and experience they can. This is true of servers, nurses, teachers, retail employees and…authors.

In the author world, “tipping” is done by buying someone’s work AND leaving a review. Which happens behind the scenes and often, over technology. 

Which really gives people a “mask.” Think about it. We’ve all read bad reviews and complaints about something. I have to wonder, would someone speak the way in public, face to face, the same way they do when they’re hiding behind a computer?

In my career as an author, I’ve experienced the good, the bad, the ugly, and the downright strange when it comes to reviews. 

The good

“An extraordinary story by an extraordinary woman. Lori’s book cuts through the esoteric nonsense about ‘bouncing back’ or ‘hanging in there,’ and gives you a beautiful, step-by-step process not just to come back, but to live a life of wonder and explode your potential.”
MARK JANUSZEWSKI, Author, Speaker, Business Trainer

This review was one of my favorites. Mark really “got it.” He recognized that my message was about taking personal responsibility for your quality of life and doing whatever you can to live happily, not simply expecting a pill or doctor to fix it.  Yes, do your research. Explore all the pills for sleep, anxiety, depression, hormones. Learn the difference between HRT and BHRT and find out why the original studies on HRT were WRONG, instilling fear in women and doctors.

(Mark also lives his life spreading love, gratitude, and kindness and is truly an amazing human being. If you ever get the chance to work with him, I highly recommend.)

Here are a few more positive reviews I have received about my writing:

  • “… gift to all women. It gives voice to so many who’ve been suffering silently for far too long. 
  • King’s…strength and compassion are an inspiration to us all.
  • King has brought honesty, vulnerability, grit and humor to this guidebook for “life after” sudden, abrupt menopause and shares how to return – not to the life you knew, but to a better life. 
  • Lori shares her personal experience in a way that lets you know you are not alone in this journey. Knowing you are not alone and that your symptoms and emotions are normal greatly decreased my anxiety. 

  • Sometimes I forgot I was reading a book about surgical menopause. Lori’s insights are perfect for many life scenarios. 
  • I’m not a reviewer normally, but after ordering multiple books on hormones, menopause, etc this was the one I needed & loved the most. Now it may not be for everyone. In fact if you haven’t went through a surgical menopause due to a hysterectomy & oophorectomy(didn’t even know that’s what it was called) you may not get it. If you are like me & have, this is definitely a book you need to read. 
  • I read it in 1 day because I couldn’t put it down. I just kept relating more & more to what she when through. There are a few things I don’t see myself doing but most of it I plan to at least give it a really good try. 
  • I appreciated your honesty and personal story about surgical hysterectomy, it really helped me relate to you!
  • This book was filled with helpful tips to help me start feeling like myself again, and I was not supplied with a lot of information or suggestions that you have provided from my doctors. 

  • Lori you are a CHAMPION and I thank you for taking the time to be honest with us and to share your experience so we may learn from you and all of COME BACK STRONG!
  • Any time I’m having a down moment, I pick it up and open to a page and she is there to support me with her positive attitude and energy. Having the guide by my side during such a trying time is priceless.
  • We all face struggles and although Lori’s struggle was based around a medical situation, I found her methods to cope were universal in application. I have read her book several times and especially liked chapter 6!
  • This was helpful from the perspective that it’s like the author is writing an open letter to women, sounding like a friend rather than a doctor. She helped me see some things I’m experiencing as “normal” responses during surgical menopause; things my OB-Gyn didn’t bother to clue me in on or hear me out about. 

  • Love the aspects around self-care, mindset, and focusing on the positive aspects of life. All things that connected with me regardless of being thrown into surgical menopause.

THANK YOU! 

The bad

Every author eventually receives a one or two-star review or has someone question their background or expertise.  

At my celebration party for my first book, someone asked me under what authority or credentials did I write? What made me worthy to be an author and publish a book?

I wanted to say “the school of hard knocks and life experience, girlfriend.” 

(She went on to tell me she had a PhD. Which I totally respect. Truly. The discipline and courage to go that far in education, kudos to you my friend. )

I don’t have a PhD. I don’t have a degree related to writing or journalism or English literature. I’ve never claimed to. I write my story and then I hire editors to help me create a published work I can be proud of. 

I also write from a perspective of an athlete and someone who wants the most natural solution possible, whether it be dealing with menopause, transforming my body, mindset, self–care, or managing my emotions. It often is the longer route to a solution, but one that works for me. 

Some people don’t agree.

“A disappointing book that states nothing beyond the obvious. What makes it worse is that the writer is not a relatable person to me. She’s a super-athlete, hard-core cyclist, etc who was not faced with dire, life and death medical circumstances. She was disappointed and worried about losing her 6-pack abs. I was worried about losing my life. Many women face surgical menopause for cancer and other very serious reasons. Many also won’t have the hormone replacement option if they’ve also been faced with breast cancer or have a high risk of getting it. Suggestions like exercise, eat well, maybe try herbs or acupuncture and meditation are all things that one would expect in a grocery store magazine article. A waste of money.”

That one hurt a bit. Bad reviews take a bit longer to shake off. Like these:

  • This book was necessary for the author but not necessarily what you may need as a reader.
  • I can appreciate her story and struggle but considering that everyone’s experience is different, if you are looking for inspiration and helpful suggestions going forward this is not the book.
  • Not what I was looking for

Reviews like these keep it real and authentic. 

The ugly

Perhaps the review that sticks with me the most felt downright mean. 

Poorly edited and researched. I wish the author the best, I am sure she is well intentioned but this book does a disservice to women more than service to them.” 🤦🏻‍♀️

Obviously, my book is not for her. 

But, I’m a human being. I’m sensitive. Her words hurt and are forever part of my author page. No matter how many good reviews I get, this one still gets stuck in my heart, my core, my gut. 

And, while I don’t need to explain or defend my word, I will defend my editor

  • She is a three-time bestselling author, nonfiction editor, and publishing strategist.
  • A 37-year veteran of the mainstream publishing industry, specializing in books on the topics of health, spirituality, personal growth, and new thought.
  • Books she has ghosted and co-written have been published by companies that include HarperCollins Publishers, Hay House, New World Library, Harmony Books, Three Rivers Press, Broadway Books, New Page, McGraw-Hill, Jossey-Bass, Putnam Perigee, and Health Communications Inc.

The strange

Perfect for new puppy owners.”

That was the heading for a review of my book about my journey and come back from surgical menopause. 

This reviewer went on to say “Superbly written for anyone to be able to follow the advice. Currently working on mat training which is working perfectly following Beverley’s instructions.”

I’m pretty sure I mentioned nothing about puppies in my writing. Especially not the training of puppies, which I have zero experience with! 

What’s your point, Lori?

My point is to remind you to spread kindness and grace wherever you can. 

Remember that whether you are tipping, reviewing, or interacting with someone in person, on the phone, or over technology, you are in fact dealing with another human being. You can complain or bring up a concern or even leave a review that has a tone of respect, grace, and kindness. You can disagree or not like someone or their work or their lifestyle, and still be kind.

Where can you spread kindness? 

  • Receive good customer service? Share a review on Yelp or with a supervisor or manager. 
  • Know someone who is having a rough day or season? Compliment them. Send a note or a text. 
  • Have a child with a great teacher? Tell them.
  • Experience a great nurse or health care worker? Let them know you appreciate them. 
  • Create a kudos file to spread kindness to yourself.

And for any books you read – mine or someone else’s – consider leaving a review on Amazon or Goodreads. Share a picture of yourself and the book on social media. Share the post of an author or small business owner. Or recommend your favorite book or author to a friend. 

In a world so quick to speak and write the negative, let’s speak and write the positive when and where we can. 

Thank you for reading and, thank you for your support!

With love, gratitude, and kindness,

Lori

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Want to learn more about how I rebuild my mind toward more positive emotions? Check out Lean In or Lighten Up.

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